|
|
 |
 |
My xbox is so dirrrr-teee!
Like a zombie, it just. won't. die.
I was flipping through the channels the other night and managed to catch some kind of talk show on ESPN. They were discussing the effect of video games on children, specifically the impact that unsavory elements in sports-related video games have on the kids that play them. The theory was that a child who sees Derek Jeter kick The Big Unit in his big unit will mimic this behavior in his own backyard game.
Of course, most sports games don't really have that much violence in them (other than boxing or wrestling of course. That would kind of defeat the purpose). Even the more violent sports don't really encourage fisticuffs. The NHL has mandated that any video game about hockey cannot have more than 1.5 fights per game. No, seriously. Heck, these days motorcycle races have more fights than the average hockey game.
A little late to the ball
ESPN had to stretch a little to fill up the entire time slot. Since there wasn't enough violence in games, they talked about how in NBA Ballerz you could hook up with beautiful women. I'm not sure if the people behind the show ever watch the headlines, but basketball players and women are not exactly strangers to one another. Someone ask Wilt the Stilt if he things being a basktball player improved his luck with the ladies. I think the answer is pretty clear.
The final game highlighted as salicious was Backyard NFL, where the players can... And this is going to shock you... *Engage in excess celebrations*! That's right. You apparently get points for celebrating after a touchdown! Disgraceful! What kind of perverted world do we live in when video games will reward people for expressing themselves? It's a travesty. A travesty I tell you.
The issue of violece in video games isn't even a new debate. Kudos for ESPN for managing to jump on the 'video games are bad' bandwagon a mere twenty years too late. Cutting-edge journalism, that. Republicans had a fit, Congress had hearings, and in the end a ratings system was enacted. Shockingly enough, this has not led to a wholesale decrease in violent offenses by minors.
Smoke em out, smoke em out, wayyy out!
Then today I pick up my copy of Game Developers Magazine and read an article about how lawmakers in California have declared video games to be worse to children than smoking. I would expect this kind of rhetoric from the legislature of South Carolina, where tobacco is a man's best friend, but California? WTF is up with those hippies these days? I'm embarassed to say that I'm from that state these days. It's getting to the point where I'm almost ready to start saying I was born in Alabama.
Regardless, I decided that I had a great game guarenteed to generate a ton of publicity. It's called "Puff Puff Revolution", the worlds first smoking simulator. The entire point of the game will be to defeat various hard-core conservatives and liberals by blowing large clouds of smoke at them. This will be achieved by puffing on the unfiltered Marlboro Reds that the game provides and blowing your exhaust at a special sensor that will detect how much damage you've done to your lungs since the game started.
If this game does well I plan to follow it up with "NBA Smackjunkie" and "Steroid Fighter II Championship Edition".
Posted at 02:58 pm by plki76
From my sister
Come and peep at voyeuristic penguins!
Because it's funny
Here are two pictures from the beach party yesterday of me digging a volleyball. Note the look of concentration, the superb form, the fact that I have so much passion for the game that I literally jumped *out of my shoes*. Also note that in the second picture the ball is, in fact, going up.
That's right, I made the hit man. I kept that ball alive. That's mad love baby. I'm not a hater, so don't you be. But if you gotta hate, don't hate the player... Hate the GAME.
Cue the Kenny Loggins...
Posted at 05:24 pm by plki76
"What are you gonna do when my 22-inch pythons run WILD over you?"
People seem to enjoy the "sport" of Tug Of War for some reason which I have never been able to truly comprehend. To me, Tug Of War is just a simple math equation. If the other side has more mass than your side, you lose. Being as I contribute approximately zero mass to any significant-sized ToW team, I normally don't see the point in me participating.
The game gets doubly inane when the participants are all computer geeks. We're not exactly known for our rugged physique and imposing upper body strength. Add to that the fact that we pretty much come in two basic varities (skinny and fat) and one can see that this just isn't an event that ever needs to happen. Essentially all the large people grunt and exert themselves while all the skinny people pretend to be helping while they yell encouraging things like "Heave", or 'Pull on the rope you fat bastards!"
Some would call us cheaters... I call us "Innovators"
I mean, it's like they picked the one thing that we would be the absolute worst at to have at our morale event. As if that is supposed to make us feel better. It's kind of like taking the Quakers out to the shooting range or the Amish to an arcade. While you're at it, why not take the special ed kids out for ice cream, but make them solve calculus problems before they can have any. "I'm sorry Jonny, but the derivative of 3x² is not 'kitty'. You're going to have to give me back the Rocky Road until you get this right!"
Regardless, yesterday at the beach party I decided to take a different approach to the problem. I have pretty much no chance in a fair fight, and there is also the fact that I am paid for my brain and not my brawn (else I would eat little other than Ramen noodles). Therefore I decided to use the terrain to the advantage of my team. A nearby bench served as a handy anchor point, and the rope was tied around the end. I've since reviewed the official rulebook for this sport, and there is no provision denying the use of an anchored seating device for the purposes of strategic rope slack removal and prevention.
I'd like to thank everyone that made this possible. And the bench. Mostly the bench.
After that the most stenuous part of the whole excercise was keeping a straight face as the other team tried in vain to gain any ground. We pantomimed effort with Academy Award winning verve. The bench emmited some omnious creaking noises, and the rope was stretched quite taut, but we didn't give up a single inch! Eventually the other team tired themselves out, and it was an easy matter to yank them over the line.
Oh, sure, they complained a bit, but as they say, "Alls fair in love and [tug of] war!"
Posted at 11:16 am by plki76
Ya'll are some strange people
The best part about humanity is that it never ceases to surprise, amuse and terrify me all in the same action. I present to you below the last twenty search engine queries that led to my blog. I must say that I am particularly frightened by "Man Penguin Love Association" and "penguin porn".
I am further saddened by the fact that the Riddick movie apparently actually inspired someone to want to purchase the goggles. Marketing people... they can sell anything.
Posted at 05:48 pm by plki76
Sensitive Viewers Are Cautioned
Gentle redaer, today's blog entry may offend and shock those of you with weak constitutions or thin skin. I will be engaging in a bit of mild polemic and taking a subversive stand on one of the most sacred subjects in this world: children.
Children are a very sensitive subject with most people. More volatile by far than any discussion involving politics or religion, when one begins to discuss the fruit of another's crotch one starts a journey over ground so tenuous that the slightest perceived insult can provoke a verbal donnybrook of epic proportions. Even mild constructive criticism of one's mini-me can cause some kind of bizarre parental Alpha Strike, the assailing fury of which cannot be withstood.
So touchy is the topic of children that even perfectly reasonable questions may be met with shock and anger. Wander up to a pregnant lady some time and ask her how her parasite is doing. Odds are the reaction you will get will not be one of joy and happiness that you have inquired about the health of her unborn child. Nay, despite accuracy of the terminology and the legitimacy of the question, the female in question is unlikely to reponsd in any manner approaching politeness.
No Kidding
As one might perceive from the above paragraphs, I do not ever plan to entertain the notion of causing any mating partner of mine to become a host organism for my genetic material. It not due to any moral high road, love of the enviornment, or philosophical disagreement with the current sociopolitical atmosphere in this world. Mainly I don't want to have children because given the choice between a Porsche and kid, I'll take the car.
It sounds selfish, I admit. And truth be told it does have a very self-centered core. But then again, have you ever listened to the rationale that parents have for breeding? Ask a hundred planned parents why they had their baby, and see how many of them start their sentence with anything other than "I wanted".
The Lesser of Two Evils
People oft do not understand or believe this choice. They will comment that I am going to change my mind when I am older, or that I will regret my choice some day. And sure, it's possible. But if it's possible that will change my mind about wanting children, then wouldn't the safer bet be not to have them? If I don't have children and then regret it later, the choice only impacts me (and my spouse). However, if I do have children and then change my mind about wanting them, well that's a whole new situation that is worse by far...
Posted at 09:34 am by plki76
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
