Not everybody has a map

    I normally don't look to rednecks (cute though they may be) to provide me with powerful insights.  It's not that they aren't capable of being deep (they do come from the "deep south" after all), it's just that they are normally incomprehensible.

    The South has a language all of its own, and while, with practice, one can come to understand the basics, the true subtleties (not to be confused with the subtitles, which would be helpful) require a lifetime to master. 

   For example, one might ask a Southerner "Hey Bubba (or, possibly, "Billy-Bob"), how do I get to the old saw mill?"  If one did so, the response would likely be something akin to the following:

      "Whale, you done axed the right man!  I'm fixin' to tale you 'bout right now this here shortamacut.  Git yerself down this road and turn there near the corn field which done been dug up and turned into pumpkins. You just drive on right as rain and that'll sort you."

Like asking Mary Kay how to exit Iraq

    This all leads, of course, to the beauty queen who revealed a rather stunning observation.  When asked how she felt about the inability of Americans to find the United States on a map she replied that "not everybody has a map".

    This is, you must admit, a pretty damn good answer.  Had she stopped right there, it would have been a fairly brilliant skewering of the absurdity of the situation. 

    Let's think about this another way.  Why are you asking this poor child about the nation's cartographic skills?  Do we ask Rand McNally for beauty tips?  Her job is not to be articulate, her job is to have a nice set of perky breasts that borderline pedophiles can fantasize about while slamming a can of Pabst and working up the courage to ride The Beast lying in the other room.

    So stop.  Stop with the mockery and the faux astonishment.  Cease the endless stream of YouTube video responses.  Put a halt to the myriad jokes beginning "I personally believe".  If you simply must sling a snide snippet of sarcasm, aim it at that dress, which seems to have been manufactured from a retried moon suit.  I mean, really, WTF was THAT about?